I Missed That Boat

Check out GNG’s recent post- thot her post was interesting- actually wrote what’s been on my mind about reading other blogs. Even though I’ve been struggling to read blogs lately, one blog I never fail to read is SingleBlackMale. You guys should check it out.

So I’m listening to www.bbc.co.uk/1xtra and Chipmunk was retarded enough to compare JayZ with Martin Luther King Jnr. I mean, SERIOUSLY??!!!! I don’t even know how he managed to put both names in one sentence during Black History Month (UK). Don’t get me wrong I actually do like JayZ. But what do you think? Is there a comparison? If so, how are they both legends and role models to black people?

Today marks 2 weeks that I’ve been in London and I’ve gotten these thots/feelings I just can't seem to shake off. For those of you who started following me right from the beginning, you’ll remember my first post. I’ve never been one to believe there is only one person out there for you. I think there are several people out there for us……….but I can’t seem to shake off the feeling I get when I think of (or see) Angel Michael(AM) or Drummer Boy(DB). That feeling of “it should have been him”. FYI, they are both married now; and no I’m not trying to be wife no.2- thank u very much!!! I met AM a year or so before he got married so he never knew I fancied him- but the 'fancy' didn’t last long- me I no dey pursue anoda person’s man. But we’ve seen a few times during this my trip and can’t get over how beautiful his soul is- how much I can easily talk to him etc. “I missed out on this; it could (should) have been him”.

Personality wise I know what I’m looking for- and I know its rear. I myself can not explain it- I just know it when I see it. Folks who accuse me of being choosey tend to think it’s the looks and money- but it isn’t. Someone you can be with and you’ll just be at peace. Humble. No stress. No worries about what he's doing. No game playing. You don’t have to act a role- u can be who u r- you don’t feel the need to impress and pretend to be who u’re not. This is who I am- accept me, love me, embrace me. A man who doesn’t see you as less human cos u’re female or as a sex object and respects you. And yet not socially awkward. Genuinely has the fear of God. Anyway as I said, I can't explain the personality I’m looking for in a man. All I know is- I know it when I see it- and its VERY rear.

AM is my good friend and I really appreciate the friendship cos I always get the honest realistic advice from him- never the over Jesus/Holy crap Christians feel the need to smack. I do not worry about being around him. But DB is different mehn. And my people I won't front in as much as I always sing “I don’t do married men”, I don’t know o. Well I know I will NEVER shag him but can't promise if left alone I won't snog him. But I so feel he should have been the one- I don’t know why. I had (intentionally) forgotten about him until he conveniently stopped by the night after I arrived. We kinda danced around each other as it all of a sudden got hot in the flat. Being around DB is worse cos not only do we get/understand each other- but there is the obvious attraction and at the same time there is the mutual respect. And we are both aware of the conscious effort we make to avoid each other and not communicate. Although since I’ve been here- he calls me briefly during lunch almost every day, but I’m going back to NJ soon- and things will go back to normal. Out of sight is out of mind, nah?

So I wonder- cos I feel bad feeling this way about these guys- cos they are married. But do u guys have people in your lives that make you think- that’s one boat I shouldn’t have missed? Luckily for me- these are guys I never dated. But it must be worse if they are people u’ve had a relationship with. Someone u dated and you messed up. As married men/women are there people out there that make you think “eeemmm……they should/could have been the one”. Or as a single man/woman, are there good people you’ve met that you messed up your chances with them or maybe just like me- you met them too late?