My blog titled Women cheating was something I just posted for posting sake as I had nothing to blog about. It was a copy and paste post that had been sitting in my draft for months. But after reading comments I thought I might as well share my own 2cents on infidelity.
First and foremost before anybody brings out their claws and scratches my eyes out- adultery is wrong! Even taking religion out of it- it is wrong and it destroys families. Infidelity leads to families breaking up, and as a child- growing up in a broken home isn’t one of the finest things in life. No matter what anyone says- it has an everlasting effect on you. Even if the parents stay together, it still leaves a damaging effect on the children. But I’m gonna be real and honest here and give you my thots about the whole cheating business. And I’m gonna address it from all angles possible.
For so long I could not comprehend why people cheated; well why men cheated until I started reading a Christian book titled Rekindling the Romance- which totally changed my views about men cheating. With the type of sexual being they are- they face temptations everywhere they go. They face it everyday. Little things make their loins ache. Little things like the clothes we wear, the long hair weave, our flirtatious smiles, our glassed lips, our scent, the slit on our skirts, the boob giggling cleavage, the oversized boory trying to fight its way out of the tight fitted jeans, The mini skirts or the pata gbugbono (hot pants) showing our thighs, the iron board flat stomachs that we insist on baring for the whole world to see, should I go on? Common ladies, do you really think we can do all the above and expect it’s only the single men that would notice? This may come as a shock to you, but married men don’t automatically go blind once they say “I do”. Men of God don’t automatically go blind once they decide to become a minister or should I say when they are called by God. And I’m sorry but 99% of ladies reading this will at one point time be guilty of one of the above. And for those that fall under the 1% there are little things like your beauty, your smile, your aura, your laugh, your intelligence, your personality, etc. So to the single ladies stop carrying on about how angry you are that a married man hit on you.- just politely turn them down; no biggy. And for the married ladies, don’t ever think you husband doesn’t look or he doesn’t notice all these other women. If he is a man of integrity that has good self control and the fear of God, what he’ll do is look away and not pursue it. For many men- their definition of love does not correlate with their prick. A man can love his woman and yet cheat. That just baffles me. I don’t understand it. It's one of things i'm gonna ask God when i get to Heaven. Even great men of God fall. I’m sure we can all recall one or 2 great ministers that have fallen. And if you haven't, look at King David in the Bible- he went as far as killing Bathsheba’s husband by sending him to the forefront of battle. A WHOLE King David (a man after God's heart)- despite having several wives and concubines committed adultery.
As individuals we have to understand that there is no where in the Bible God says if you love your spouse; u shall not commit adultery. Each time adultery is mentioned, it talks about committing sin with our body, we destroy ourselves; we sin against God. After all our body is the temple of God. It is such a sinful act that that is the only reason God allows divorce. [And yet Jesus said we should forgive 70 x 7 times (Matthew 18:22)]. For those of us that are Christians, when we understand the godly consequences of adultery- it becomes less personal. Anyway, let’s not bring religion into this.
The people who tend to roar the loudest when it comes to cheating are young people who still believe in that Mary Poppins on-screen love and those faithful people whom their partners are cheating on. For those young at heart- I used to feel that way. I’d say I can never have an affair with a married man. I will never cheat on my bf/husband. But as I’ve gotten older I’m no longer part of the group of folks that are quick to judge and condemn. I’m sure I already sound like a broken record, but I do not condemn women who knowingly go into a relationship with married men- as long as the man lets them know they are married. Let me remove the BIG log of wood in my eyes first before I judge others on their sexual and emotional escapades. My thing is- as long as these ladies don’t get carried away. Know your boundaries. I have also seen my friends cheat on their bf’s or 2-time but wetin cosan me? The reason why I probably haven't is becos I’ve been single most of my life. Lol!! As for karma.....i don't get it, if karma really is a bitch what about women or men who have never had affairs and now their spouse is cheating on them?
..............To be continued on part 2. http://thecounselorandherthots.blogspot.com/
44 comments:
FIRST!!!!!!
Yay...just claiming my post will be back to comment!!
BTW the blog title has me singing
'Can't be the Other Woman' by changing faces!!
ah ah Shona she just put up the post like 3 minutes ago how did u do it? am sure u guys were chatting and she gave u a heads up....
NOT FAIRRRRRRRRRRR
I plead the 5th, Jayla. hehehehehe
3rd!! off to read.
SO TRUE, a man's love and his prick and worlds apart. You would see a guy tell you he is happily married, loves his wife to death but still trying to get with you and tell you how he wants to make things right with you.
WTF???? na wetinc i see this weekend o, i just week.
Great post! It's one thing to look, observe and acknowledge but when those intentions are followed by actions then we have a problem.
Whoa!! this one is LOADED.
I dont get how men can "love" you and still fuck around.
1st time here!
great post...
the thing is...some people dress nicely without any intentions of luring any man.
then again men get carried away easily
Tigeress, you came with fire for this one oh!
like they men, men have two brains, the bigger one on top and the little one below... they are truly worlds apart Jayla!
Great insights woman and a very intelligent discourse too!..
Seriously,it is really hard for me to fault any of the stuffs you have here cuz when reality dawns on one sometimes,you ultimately find or discover yourself doin the exact opposite of the philosophies you stand for..That is not to say im givin a pass on cheatin or anythin like that but truth be told,we all at some point have indulged in it albeit unintended or meanin to cause any harm but sometimes largely due to tryn to satisfy a side of us totally unrelated to your other spouses' actions or inactions which in most cases is given as the sine qua -non for such despicable acts.
I have had discussions on infidelity and there was a time that almost everyone I talked with was of the school of thot that accepted infidelity; some advised young ladies to go into marriage knowing their husbands would cheat. the only person that told me otherwise was someone i didnt trust so there was the twist in it. it took my pastor talking sense into me for me to realize that there were some stuff you dont let settle in you and whatever you believe in is what you get.
infidelity no matter how much you sugarcoat it is wrong. religion or no religion. mschewwwwwwwwwww
Interesting...... One of the low spots of my trip to Naija was finding out an acquaintance of mine was cheating on his wife of FOUR MONTHS with an intern at work who very well knew dude was very married.
Guess dudes will always find something attractive - be it as obvious as body clinging, asset accentuating stuff - or the less obvious personality traits, a smaile, a word in season and all that ish. Ultimately though I think it boils down to the dude - is he committed for the long run or is he merely in it for the extras marriage brings.. Simplistic view maybe, but I've seen instances where it was the dude being chased by a woman at work and due simply refused to buckle.
Hopefully, if dude and wifey stay plugged in and talk abt everything, they can sniff out the danger before it becomes something major.
P.S. - Some 'other' women do succeed in dislodging the first wife....
I guess there is a delicate balance between knowing your own beliefs and not being ashamed to share them, and preaching to everyone about how what they are doing is wrong as if you're perfect.
For example, I am one of those people who believes that it will be possible to avoid cheating on my husband and vice versa. I'm not saying that temptations won't come along but I am confident that if we make it a point to discuss these issues frankly, and put God as a central part of our relationship, it can be avoided. (Obviously this will work best if I'm in a relationship with a man of God.)
My friends know my point of view, and some of them will say "I know what you're going to say" when they share a scenario that involves infidelity, but I think it's possible to share your opinion without judging, and in fact it's important to share your opinion, period. When someone is contemplating doing something they know is wrong, your frank sharing of your true opinion may make a difference. It may not, but at least at the end of the day you'd know you were true to your beliefs.
I feel you on this one T.
Most men will cheat- there aint no stopping them married or not. Just like most women will cheat too. These days, most people dont even marry because they really love the other person and cant see themselves with any other person. They just marry because of peer or parental pressure, maternal clock ticking or even worse because everyone else is doing it! (Sad, but true)
I am with Danny on this one too. Sometimes, the 'other woman' could succeed in dislodging the 'main woman'. (Once again, sad, but true)
hmmm deep one. Ah I don't like hearing about this! lol
Cheating cheating cheating...I think you have really good points about men. I bet everyones heard that men mainly cheat out of physical attraction while women cheat out of emotional attatchment. I think this is quite true allthough there are many exceptions I am sure. I am the kind of person who actually do practice what I preach and maybe you'd call me young at heart but I do believe in some things and I don't think it will ever change. I don't see myself as young at heart because I have been to hell and back and I wont sugarcoat the relationship me and my hubby has o fcourse its not easy. But I do frown upon women who have relationships with married men. My bestfriend is currently in love with a guy who's had a girlfriend for 10 years. I have strongly adviced her to not get involved physically before/if he breaks up with her. If not she's setting herself up for failure on top of the fact that it's wrong. If you were the girlfriend, how would you feel? I feel like women should stick together and look out for one another and have some respect even for an unknown wife/girlfriend. I know this is unrealistic though, I'm just saying, in MY ideal world that's how it would be, lol. Of course I understand that someone can fall in love with a married man but the difference is made when you decide whether to act on it or not. This is where my preaching comes in, lol.
Anyway good points Tigeress.
well u really give good points, i guess men really cant be take all the blame(notice i said all) they should take most of the blame, cos they see a plate of food on someones table doesn't mean they have to taste it, it could be poisoned.
I guess a man that will cheat might even cheat with a girl that's decently dressed. we see hot guys everyday doesn't mean we jump into bed with them.
but anyway that's just my own opinion abi!!!
Karma never plays fair. She's a taunting sadistic Bitch. Cheating is lack of discipline. If you are on a diet, dont eat chocolate cake.
@Jayla - I too plead the fifth..lol!!
In an ideal world everyone would be faithful, all committed living happily ever after...and its sad that the sanctity of marriage doesnt exist anymore..ever seen that married/committed guys are more like wolves on the hunt worse than the single guys?Its sad, so sad, its a sad sad situation!!
*walks away singing *Can't be the Other woman!!
Cheating............such a controvesial topic.......personally i dnt like 2 generalise and say all men cheat cuz dese days women are just as bad,but the difference is that men think with their dicks for them its more of an on the spur of the moment kinda thing for them whereas with the woman its more calculated, and when a woman cheats she cheats hard.I have stopped judging people or havin this holier than thou attitude,i rather prefer to never say never cuz u dnt know the situation u might find urself 2mrw.We r waitin for part 2 o.
I maintain my position on cheating. It is wrong and should be punished. Cerberus said it perfectly.
Shona i know right, the married men are even more aggressive in their hunt for women. As in if only single men can borrow a leaf from their flirting manual.
can you eplain what you meant by "For those of us that are Christians, when we understand the godly consequences of adultery- it becomes less personal. Anyway, let’s not bring religion into this."
To add my two cents, I am a married man and father of two. All my life my folks told me it is wrong to cheat. So far in my life I think I have done it about 2 or 3 times (in my courtship years but never in Marriage). This is not to say I have never thought of it. I have several times. One thing I can say though is that in the times I have done it, I ha FELT SO DIRTY IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS. And it is this feeling and the Fear of God that keeps me from doing it. My view is that for all of us who have cheated, even though we have sought and received the forgiveness of God, I think we still live a considerable stain or blemish on our souls that we can never remove and which stays with us until we die. It is for this reason I think that if we can avoid cheating (man or woman) we should do our best to avaoid it as we merely destroy our Body, Sole and Spirit for a few minutes of enjoyment
Thanks for stopping by Anonymous and thank u so much for being honest. See o my fellow non-married bloggers. Listen to the word of a married man!! It just goes to show that for those who carry on as if they can never be tempted......are just not being realistic. And as you rightly said- Fear of God. When people start to understand the spiritual consequences of adultery then i think they'll stop going on and on about if he/she loves she wont cheat. I'm always hearing me me me, I I I. How cld he/she do this to me? I love him/her! We are human and we hurt- but God is the ultimate. He is the one we have to face for our sins.
It takes the Grace of God for a marriage to last. It takes the fear of God and the understanding of the repacautions of ones actions to hinder someone from sinning in marriage. There was a Pastor who preached at my Church and was real- he said even as men of God they fornicate with their eyes; they look.
Anyway, i hope you stop by for pt2.
Enough points to ponder here..
Men being what we are, tend to shoot first and ask questions later i.e physical attraction devoid of much thot.
However that being said, i think cheating is still wrong, no matter the scenario. And like Danny B said, sometimes its the guy being chased. He just has to stop for a moment and think with the right "head".
As for women cheating.. i wont even go there, cos they tend to be more calculated.
We will go through life facing these temptations, married/in a relationship or not. Its all down to the person at the end of the day to make the right choices.
I totally feel every point you have made. Because that is the same view I have. I think it takes a lot of self restraint to not get with that other hot woman.
Also only people who wear a shoe know where it pinches. When I was younger I would say if my bf cheats I am leaving etc. But now I know better. Shit does happen you can only do so much.
Well written sister!
true talk my sister...my motto is this " married men are poison ivy" stay away from them, no matter how much they beg you ( yes some of them are shameless).The consequences are too dire and its never worth it.
Waiting for part deux!
Hi good post.
I must say i agree with what most of you say.
But i want to say that i totally agree with :am a married man and father of two.
That the cheating does leave a blemish on you for the rest of your life even if you have received forgiveness.
I think it always keep nagging especially if afterwards you realize what a wonderfull and loving parter you have that you wonder what where you thinking.
But i think the problem is we some times get caught up in our own feelings not thinking on our partner. trying to justify our reason for doing what we do.
It is funny how it can be that we totally loose our mind and do certain things and only think afterwards.
I am not gonig to blame which ever partner but someone once told me men also like to hear things like baby you look good etc, just like the woman would like that. And he there mentioned to me that in situations like this that people can be tempted because there parter has not looked at them i that certain way or gave them a compliment or show them a certain intrest. So this is one thing partners need to do not to take each other for granted. But don't get me wrong which ever the situation i guess we need to be strong when that temptation comes ad think how would u feel if the roles where turned and have the fear of God in us. Because i do believe that it(the blemish of cheatig) is always with you especially when your married.And like the other lady said we should help each other if the man is married or woman leave them alone(forbidden ground), life is hard enough. SORRY FOR THE LONG COMMENT
Thanks for the post. Seriously valid points were raised..
We will continue to go through temptations as we live this gift called life. But it boils down to discipline. I agree with DB, SMF and Ceberus..Once you look and decide to walk away without a backward glance or second look..You will always be one step ahead. It is very hard oo.I must say, but then there is no justification for cheating at all.
When you are in tune with your spirit, that voice will always be there..it is up to you to choose to listen or push it to the background and work with the "other brain".
Outside of religion...if I am in a relationship..I will not try very hard not to do it. If my partner wants, she can do it..it will live with her....my 2 cents tho.
So spot on. Will be back
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Food for thought. I'm not even sure what to say.
Love is a decison......so is sex
so the decison to pledge one's life to one and love her to death sure does not disturb the decision to wanna hook up with another just for variety
we can never justify adultery........we can hate it all we want......condemn or condone it all we want but nurrin absolutely nothing can ever make it right.........
cannot wait for pt2...
im tongue tied...... ive fallen into the 99% so ive at one time tempted men.....ive learnt a lesson on dating married men...ive seen, heard and been..........this is such a great truthful post big sis!
I completely respect your take on this subject.
As a woman with the sexual libido as high as any man, I'm tempted plenty by the bulge in a man's pants, his chiselled chest and bicepts. The dashing smile, the long lingering stares...I could go on...but bottom line, if I'm in a committed relationship, no matter how tempted I may be to go out and play, I have an obligation to be respectful of my partner. I have an obligation not to practice deceit. We all do.
The fruit may look delicious, that doesn't mean we have to take a bite. Cheating men and women are lacking in decipline and integrity. Just my take. Great post.
Very insightful post you got there...but do we humans ever live and learn? In life many things are not just worth the trouble, and just because we can do some things-does not mean we should. Its all about commitment-to God and your Partner.
Hmmm, thot-fully written. Two senarios:
...she is a 'good' woman (no doubt) but then, this guy comes along and starts doing those 'little things' that is usually taking for granted; she is human, and begins to respond (forgetting that she is married or maybe that the guy is married, EMOTIONS can't be surpressed, while there is life).
...he is a 'nice' guy, this babe is simply fascinated by his kindness and the 'honour' of his being. She goes out of her way to appreciate such 'noblity' in a guy (she does not find such traits too often in guys). But then, that thing called EMOTION tho' tried to take a back seat, is spurn to life. Unfortunately, his wife has been so, very much engrossed (in work or managing the home) that she had continually and consistently done away with the 'little things' that matter. The guy did not even know when he crossed the 'thin invisible' line.
Pray tell, who could have resisted?
Rethots- my sentiment exactly. Hence why i'm never quick to judge or condem. We are human and have emotions, but........... pls come back for part2.
Like I said in my last post, self disciple goes a long way.
We are human, therefore flawed. but with God and self disciple these things can be avoided majorly.
Yes we unconciously tempt the guys,and some girls are attracted to other people's property, likewise some guys...........and the circle goes on and on.
But we have the choice of overcoming the temptation.
one married guy on my case now wining and dining me....its nearing time to drop and im running like hell,with my heels hitting the back of my head
he claims im the one he shda married.story!i asked him ok"so wht do u want"......imagine the irritant said...i want to experience u........i dont even want to imagine wht th means in his whacked mind.
lol@ I want to experience you. WTF!!!???
SO.....I should marry my husband AND expect that he will cheat at some point in time...? Ah....I no kno abt that one o!
I would rather pretend like NOTHING is going on....seriously what other way is there?
Post a Comment