My last post generated interesting comments; Shona took the words out of my mouth- bad/good is relative. But it was Mike's comment that caught my interest the most. Well it was more of a question:
............ ma so called good fiancee, ehn, i caught her gobbling anoda man's thing..... so werin i go do now? She's begging to be forgiven but am so burnt. Can i forgive her?
So help me out here my people and give a brother your opinion. Personally Mike- this decision is all up to you. All becasue this happened, doesn't mean it'll happen again. Then again, u guys are not married so I think you should walk- cos that picture will never leave your head- even if you forgive. But it's easier said than done. This is your fiance not some random chic. Question I have for you is- have you always been faithful to her in the relationship?
33 comments:
FIRST!!!!!!
FIRST!!!!!!
My first reaction to this was 'Is this for real?' or is Mike joking.
There's one line folks like saying which is
'To err is human, to forgive is divine'
There are many questions that come to mind like
1) Once forgiven would it mean forgetting too? It would never come up again = clean slate moving on swiftly?
2)Like you wouldnt always wonder if she's with other guys?
3)Would trust be there again?Wouldnt you wonder what might have happened if you hadnt walked in?
Because forgiveness shouldnt be half-baked, it should be total forgiveness if not then why bother?
Guess thats why they say 'to forgive is divine' because its not easy forgiving when badly burnt...
2nd!!!
Wow, i laughed so hard at the description "gobbling".
That decision cant be made for you, you have to decide what you want to do and if you decide to forgive, put it out of ur mind completely and if you decide to leave, hit the road Man and dont look back!!!
Wow. That's a tough one. It an easier said than done situation. If he can no longer trust her then ya he should walk.
But if he can still trust her, then he should think hard about moving on.
There is no point staying in a relationship where you can no longer trust the person.
Mike should definitely forgive her; he needs to do so if he wants to move on with his own life.
As to whether he should give her a second chance...that is a whole other issue and he will have to figure that one out for himself. Infidelity is one of those things that I'm not sure I can forget.
Regardless of whether he lets her back in his life or not he should forgive her so he can be free.
@Shona--Brilliant comment
My take is that forgivin people isnt somethin you do for others but yourself to regain peace.Tell him to brace up,guard his loins,and move on..Nothin says that the next woman he's gonna meet(if he decides to walk away) wouldnt do the same..so question is, is he gonna keep jumpin from woman to woman or deal with the devil you know and sort things out however knotty they maybe..
Been awhile..how you dey?
I think Tigeress, you and Loved one have said it all. It may be difficult but only he can take the decision. Without trust, the relationship is as good as dead.
I'm with Jummy on this one. He should forgive her to free himself, continuing the relationship is an entirely different issue that he has to decide for himself.
Chei! I read this and it pained me sha. Cheating is one of the highest forms of betrayal to me if not the highest.
IF you can get back to a place of trust then you might have a shot, if not, then just walk away. Ultimately, as they have said, the decision to continue is entirely yours.
thanks guys!!! It's not a joke though! I am finding it very hard. I try to walk away but i find myself still calling her and worried if she is okay. Still send her gifts like i usually do. but we dont see each other but i miss her dearly.
I have told myself that if i give her another chance the memories will keep hunting me. the problem would be if i take her back will i be strong enough never to mention such things to her, so as not to hurt her?
I would say walk away because it is one thing to know that she cheated and another to catch her in the very act. The visuals aren't good at all! You may never be able to "completely" forget what she looked like chopping down on it.
What exactly does gobbling me? Looking? Don't know for real.
lol @ Sting.
Wow Mike.
I pray u find it ur heart to forgive her.
As for going back....well. I say no. But of course its on you.
Why do i keep calling her even when I dont want to? It's very funny but I'll be fine. Thanks again guys
What!!!!!
Caught in the act-i wonder what I'd do? LOL.
@ Mike, Take it easy......It's hard to break it off, especially if you really care.
BUT
If you know scenarios will occur where digging it from the past would be a re-occurrence then, it's best to let it go.
it's a 50-50 chance here.
Are you willing to forgive and let it go, and is she willing not to go down that road again?
Well he says he'll be fine,so there..love conquers all eh.
Hmnn...this is tough..really tough...
Well, men and their ego ehn1
I guess he will want to move on since they are not yet married..else things can never be the same again..
Hmnn...this is tough..really tough...
Well, men and their ego ehn!
I guess he will want to move on since they are not yet married..else things can never be the same again..
I was reading Mike's comment, and it sounds like he still cares/ or is an emotional dude. My advice is it may be tough now, but WALK!. From your tone, something tells me the image is forever etched in your head, and no amount of caring will remove it. Yes, it's gonna tear u apart right now, but u'll save u both the drama and heartache that's bound to happen later. I'll borrow a line from Myne ' any relationship w/o trust is as good as dead'.
Good luck, buddy!
Forgiving ( like someone said) is to regain the peace of mind for yourself, not for the other party.
Forgetting. Let's be honest, that one is just plain not happening. i mean with time, the images remembered become all blurred up,but we never forget.
Point is, could u look past the visuals imprinted in ur memory and still have a relationship with her?
That is left for u to answer.
Right now, i'd say u need time to process. So staying away is good.
But in the end, u have to make that decision, knowing that level of trust is lost and may not be regained ever.
@Mike: Forgive. Then walk away.
well said people..'walking' is not as easy s it seems but a lot will depend on what she really wants..
to see them with you koro koro eye in the very act,ah...well,you do sound like you still care a lot..what of her?
does she still wants you badly enough never to repeat such..
i personally am not down with cheaters so i would straight up say walk and go find your joy somewhere else but if you think you both can move past this then give it a try
on the flip side, if you misbehaved you would want to be given a second chance so i guess that's another way to look at it.
all the best!!
mike, pls, walk away.
maybe, it is the victim in me talking,...but bobo, walk away abeg.
the truth is before she got down on her knees, a voice that is ever present in our lives, must have told her that what she was about to do was wrong. she still went ahead to do it.
she can still do it again. period!
No. I won't forgive. Period.
lol @ lucidlilith, i appreciate the bluntness.
forgive - this is better, for ur own peace and its totally within ur powers
forget? only God forgives and forgets. well, except u have an operation where they remove that part of ur brain that retains memory, globbling et al (ouch!)
Guy, walk.
Mike should definitely forgive his fiancee, but that does not mean he has to stay with her. I wish him the best though, whatever decision he makes.
Tigeress, how now?
the 11th commandment, Do Not Get Caught...so what reasons did she give got gobbling the guys thing? there's no pity when it comes to matters of the heart, once beaten twice shy...like has been said, if you forgive can you forget?
hmmmmm if she's done it once, there's a high chance of her doing it again. the decision is up to u Mike, if u can let go and move past it, then pls forgive......
you guys should talk
and no blame game.
its happened
so decide if you guys have anything
maybe its the laughs
or encouragement
something that makes it worth it
find out why you got engaged in the first place
and see if the reason is still there.
hear her out or you will always be wondering...
if it was a mere girlfriend i would say forgive...
but a fianceee what the hell
she ought to be stepping up to the plate of being the mother of your children
dont having some dudes d*ck for dessert
I believe if a person does it once he or she will definitely be more susceptible to doing it again. Unless they have really looked within their hearts and made that change. How do you know they've changed?
Good question.
I think it all comes down to what a person believes in...
Kay, I know I'm rather young to put my mouth. But I don't get the idea of forgiving. She did you wrong (agreed) but she also did herself wrong too because she's your fiance yeah, she kinda signed a contract that she would marry you so if she's 'gobbling' then I don't know but she took her self to gobble therefore let her ask herself this 'See o, I'm the one that caused this thing, do I forgive myself and trust myself enough to let him forgive me and carry on with me?'
Putting myself in her shoes, I went to gobble on my own and i can gobble my man so why did I go outside? See, so even I would tell him 'Im sorry I wronged you and because I would find it hard if I were in your shoes, please walk away. Yes I am ashamed but walk away'
I think I'm confusing myself now by drifting off the point so I'd stop.
But yeah. Like I said , I know Im young, please don't judge.
:)
Mis T, long time no see ya! Hope ur doing great. come back soon o!
x
Scarlet
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