Life, fears & pressures of being a Hen

As singles, a lot of us have great expectations of marriage- some true and realistic, and others false and unrealistic. We all have plans and ideas of when we will get married, how our wedding will be and even what type of person we will get married to, etc. But the reality is that things do not fall according to plan for a lot of singles. We do not all marry at the ‘right age’ or marry the ‘right person’ or have the wedding of our dreams. God’s time and plan is not always in line with ours.

As a single female the pressures are more than what single men face. The fears are more, the prejudices are more and the insults are out of this world. U see, girls have an 'expiry date'. A time when you cross over from being a 'spring chicken' to being a hen (lol). A time when u get pushed to the back of the shelf and the new 'spring chickens' are considered before you and are taking over the world. That's when the desperation creeps in; the fear kicks in. Will I remain on the shelf forever? Am I gonna die single? Then u start questioning ur standard- is it too high? Am I being too choosey? And for those that have absolutely no one looking their way.............I can only imagine what damage that wld do to their confidence. According to my girl E, an epidemic is about to break out. An Epidemic of single 40+ year old females still waiting and hoping for their knight in shining armour to come and sweep them away; while others probably wld have lost hope by then. Isha Allah I shall not be amongst them.

The pressure: faced from the society, family members, friends and oneself. Society; where does one fit in? After a while you become an outcast. You can’t roll with the single ‘spring chickens’ and the married women are paranoid of single women being in the presence of their husbands. Something you cant blame them for. Men tend not to have boundaries. Available Married Men….topic for another time. Snotty married friends; who feel you are inferior to them. Men; who blatantly remind you that time isn’t on your side. Family members……ooohhh lets go down that route. E.g. So if you’ve read my prior blog Doc, Biggie & English- u’d remember Biggie. Painfully boring, hard to talk to, and a tad on the slow side. I don’t like him whatsoever. Anywayz, I made the mistake of letting him meet some of my people. Since then I’ve had a heart-to-heart talks with three of my aunts. Their advice? I should go for it. As long as he loves me everything is ok. I should not miss this chance. “It is better to marry someone that loves you more than u love him”. The love for him will grow. Are they ‘effing’ kidding me!!!!!!??? Surely that’s wrong right? My fellow married bloggers please say something. People marry for love right? At least some people do right? Am I being unrealistic by wanting to be one of those that marry for love?

Then there are the insults. For me the biggest insults are those that come from men. Men (single, unavailable, and married) who for some reason assume all single girls must be lonely, horny and easy. Who assume that becos of one’s single status and maturity (lol) one must have a dildo under one’s pillow. Men who assume a little attention from them gives them the rights to get into our knickers. And there are those that just feel older chick + single = DESPERATE!!!! How they come to that conclusion- baffles me. For e.g. a couple of years ago I had a vertically challenged cocky dude who felt talking to me was him doing me a favour. Obviously after wondering why I showed no interest in him, asked me if I was talking to any other person. I gave him an honest answer- No, no one else. Guess what his response was? “So you don’t have many options, do you”? I was like ooohhh no he didn’t!!!! I let it slide- figured it was his short man syndrome rearing its ugly head. Then comes the married men (even those from Church) who tell you they reckon you need to be ‘serviced’ and they can come and sort me out. Lol!! Hilarious right? Like I look like a car that needs to be panel-beated? They are all mad!

Then there are the ex’s who subconsciously think one will remain single forever. E.g. My darling @ (@: The main dude). I spoke to him recently for about an hour and a half while he checked out my blog- @ and I are cool like that. He was surprised to see that I had mentioned 1 too many other men- something I don’t think sat too well with him. His solution to it? He’d come out here in a few weeks in order to knock me up and make me wife number 2!!! Imgaine? ME???!!! Wife no.2? TOFIAKA! Ko le sele. He looked at me from head to toe and saw that a fine girl like me is only fit to be wife no.2?? Na beans n yam? Hopefully he was pissing about.

Time might be ticking, i don't care cos this chick ain't settling- i'm just too fly for that and i love me. Interesting thing, all these men who feel 'spring chickens' is the onlyway to go- for some reason seem to still hover around we 'hens'. That's just a dang shame. Clearly they are not marraige materials for they lack the understanding of commitment. Ladies, there too many boys out there in order for u to settle. Too many. Eventually the single faithful one will come along. Yes, i do believe there are good guys out there. Anyway, let me end here- I have said waaaaaaaaaaay too much even without touching Successful single women, their career, and submission. Topic for another blog.

In summary, society expects singles (men and women) to be married by a certain age. It is almost conceived as a ‘stigma’ to be single in your late twenties and upwards. Only a single that has had to wait past the ‘right age’ truly knows and understands the ‘pressures’ the society places on singles. In order to ‘fit in’, some become desperate and settle for what they can get. Singles need to look beyond the opinion of man and focus on God. God’s time is the best time. It is better to marry late and have a fulfilled marriage rather than marry early and not experience the joys of marriage. The time spent being single is the time to cultivate oneself in every facet of life to become a better person, the best spouse and best parent possible.