For many, 2010 has been a year of joy or maybe a mixture of good times and bad times. But for someone like me- it’s been bad times/disappointments one after the other-even till the last minute. It’s very hard for me to see the good things God has done for me this year other than keep me alive. I can actually say I’ve been unhappy for at least 360days of this year.
With all the disappointments (even till the last minute) I have struggled with my faith. And indeed lost my faith. I feel ashamed that after struggling for so long to hold on to the last string of faith I had- I finally gave up and let go. I’ve heard all the religious and clichéd comments people make (eg God is this, God is that, things will get better……blah blah blah, yawn yawn yawn) but the truth is- it never really got better- even till the very end. No offense to anyone but I feel the biggest heart break I got this year (in my entire life) was from God. I feel God abandoned me (amongst others). So yeh I feel hurt that I didn’t get part of the blessings God passed around this year. But most especially I hate the fact that I’ve changed; 2010 changed who I am- I’m no longer ‘me’ and do not know the woman I have become.
But as 2011 approaches, a part of me still seeks to find my faith. I still find myself hoping for a better tomorrow. As I continue to pursue happiness, I can only pray hope that I find it round the corner and it will no longer elude me. I want the sleepless nights to end, I want the teary sessions to end, and I want the disappointments to stop. I just want to be happy. I want (a better) ‘me’ back!!!
I pray for a better 2011 and I pray the same for you.
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19 comments:
No way! Don't go out like this. You see I know what you mean, for me it lasted 5 years where I felt god left me in the cold. But now all I can say is "this was worth all that" read my blog to see what am talking about. TD Jakes said once, the depth of your past is an indication of the height of your future. It aint over till you win...
i can relate with this post..i mean i literally spent jan to july in tears. Depression, discouragement and disappointment WERE MY NAME. No salaries at the office for four months, my father almost died, i crashed my car twice, broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years, the perfect husband dumped me, the list just goes on and on
But the way day never fails to break after nite...my testimony also changed.
So expect your morning in 2011
Cheers and happy new year
Believe me when I say that I feel you...first you get sick of hearing the cliches and then it's downhill from there. The one thing that someone(Rick Warren or someone like that sha) said that's mostly helped is that God's more concerned about who we are(character-wise and becoming more like him) than he is about our comfort. That's how I spend my days now - focusing on my character, my choices, and more importantly working hard to keep that bitterness out cos that stuff will get into your heart and just mess with ya. Stay expectant and grateful despite the situation and you'll be rewarded in due season(I kno that sounds annoyingly cliche yeah);)
Hang in there.....
It's not over until it's over.
As long as you keep your hope alive.......your time will surely come.
I pray your 2011 gives you double for all your trouble.
Lwkmd!!!!
I watched the video.
Na wa oh!
Oh dear come and get a hug....the first yr of my return to Nigeria was awful, underpaid, under appreciated etc etc. I remember one time in 2008 when I could NO pay my rent no job, NO MONEY, my mum was giving me a stipend for 6 weeks...I felt I was in the pits of hell for 6 months. I almost contemplated suicide (it wasnt the first time) But the good Lord came shining through. The man I loved left me. It was awful....the year 2010 was my year of breakthrough for me. God showed me his hand in my life. My dear it will be well with you. Be positive, it could be worse.
No cliches from me ... just happy new year and may ur hopes be revived and not dashed.
i like that u r hopeful, that way, things will get better.
you said: "Favour is on my side- guaranteed!"
I'm sorry you feel this way and it sounds like you faced many disappointments in 2010. I am fully convinced though that as long as we have life we have hope. So many lost their lives in 2010, far better people than me, that I am truly thankful for my life. I find thinking that way really helps me when I get down.
Pele.
I pray that you will regain your faith and that God surprises you this year!!! Happy New Year!
As cliche as it may sound, it can only get better......it's not over until u stop breathing so hey cheer up....
This post tugged at my heart ... I hope that the 2011 bring you more joy than you can fathom and that somehow you´ll be able to rebuild your faith..All the best to you.
Sorry you had a rough year. Here's to hoping this new one is a better one for you. we have to hold on...we don't have much of a choice. To stop to hope is to die.
Betta thangs a'gwan!!
Aw,ur post is so very touching.I really do know how u felt,really.I mean,the last second half of 2010 were the worst i have had my entire life.I almost lost my faith,but i was favored not to.I still held on to God cos man wasn't able to make things better either.Now i'm doing better,with my faith intact and a certainty of a better 2011 and beyond.I really do pray (not hope) that you find your faith again,you really should have faith in something and i really wish it'll be God (even though u felt he forsook u).
Happy New Year dear, long time. I hope 2011 proves to be better. It is well!
I pray for an awesome 2011 for us all.
Please hang in there...don't lose faith...no matter how terrible the situation is, there's always something at least one thing to be thankful for...the clichés can sometimes be annoying and out of place but you know what you want from God so level up with Him and tell him about it...Don't hold back...I pray you will be assisted divinely this year and you will definitely come back to testify that of a truth...God is good and you got your faith back!:)
I like the way disGodkid put it.
God is a humorous God. You'll be shocked that he can turn your story around overnight. All you need to do is keep seeking him; He never fails, He knows what you're going thru and hasn't forgotten you...you just need to hang in there and surround yourself with friends who have stronger faith...
Boy...wish I could see you to talk to you. I've been there b4 and thank God I took the steps that led me out. You can too..!
for starters i want to say i have missed you a whole lot.If we all opened our hearts to you on the things we have faced and are still facing, you would still give thanks...i totally understand you and can relate a thousand and one percent....but pls dont give up even though i want to give up too but hearing me say this to u makes me want to keep on holding on..so if saying it to u motivates me then so be it...
I hope its not too late to say happy new year, may 2011 be the best year you have lived!
Its is going to be Ok at the end, if it is not Ok, then its not the end!
All the best dear, looking forward to reading your testimonies on the blog very very soon!
i felt very sad with 2010 too. for some reason, i felt shortchanged. so many things i wanted, i didnt get. unlike u, i wouldn't say i have a close relationship with God (am trying to develop one now), so i was mostly disappointed that i wasn't where i tot i should be. But, so far, 2011 hasn't be bad for me. I sincerely pray it gets better.
have faith, dear. It isn't all bad all the time.
u r now in lagos. well, if u don't mind so much, u can drop me a line (flourishingflorida@gmail.com) and we can see.
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